hopeful

I noticed I started multiple posts with the word “well”. Unacceptable. The writing is going to have to get better around here or I will lose all my subscribers.

Anyhoo. I’m up at the hospital, and Brynn is continuing to do well. We’re starting to deal with some apnea and bradycardia, which is pretty much standard and expected. They are actually giving her caffeine to help with that. My question… should I do my part and drink some Coke? Because I miss Coke.
She is also still losing weight. The thing is, these things are basically a given for a baby this small. The fact that she is already doing so much breathing on her own is unexpected, and a real blessing. She should start gaining it back in a couple of days. She’s doing well with the little bit of breastmilk they’re giving her, and in a few days they’ll up the amount.

Crazy that this is my life. Once I just settle back into the routine of the NICU, it’s not difficult. I remember it well.

I’ve been thinking about my heart. Today I was driving, and singing… and I just started to feel like maybe my heart can heal. It seemed so impossible all these months that I could ever be myself again. But I am feeling hopeful today.

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49 thoughts on “hopeful

  1. Arberto says:

    bukaak!I need to see the baby this weekend. I got three days off. Let us make a date and take yall to eat or something and go see her eh??? Let us know.. brother rob

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  2. Awe………You are healing…..we all are.You are such a great kid Jess!I am open to watching 10,000 grand children while you 4 go out to eat or visit Brynn.Keep me posted and give me a bunch of notice so that I can mentally prepare……and all that.I would ask her pediatrician about YOU drinking caffein……I know you miss COKE but after all this time your just going to get a major rush anyway.Girls are playing Jimmy Buffet Margarettaville….and a bunch of 70’s music so today I feel like I am 17 again…Brynn is doing so well that it keeps me on cloud 9 :0)

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  3. pat says:

    Let your hope just blow your doors off because hope keeps your heart so alive and well. You are an amazing woman Jess with a very beautiful heart. The rest of you is not that bad either!So glad for the progress Brynn is making and that she is breathing on her own. She is fragile but she comes from a long line of tough, can do anything with the right mind set, people! And she has yours and Richy’s heart plus God’s. Wow!

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  4. pat says:

    By the way, what does Brynn mean, I know Kathrine is pure one.

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  5. Josharoo says:

    Awesome, she’s keeps getting better. She’ll be fatter soon. Pat- Brynn is hope, if I remember right.

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  6. Josharoo says:

    Does anyone know who has the email rainmaker44@…?I got a change of email address notice for them at work, but they didn’t include their name and I don’t know who it is.

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  7. jess says:

    Brynn means hopeful… nice, huh?

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  8. Napalm says:

    in what language?

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  9. Josharoo says:

    Ok, so I’ll just email the person and ask them who they are. Thanks, make me do all the work!

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  10. jess says:

    Welsh… and yeah, Josh. Do your own dirty work.

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  11. Shannon2-24 says:

    Brynn looks so sweet cuddled on her belly like that.Jess, this photo also made me slightly see why you’d so long for her to be cuddled inside still..at least we have awesome hospitals & warm lights & testers to see if any vitals change..I've been thinking how the neonatal people must see patterns for awhile now of what works best with preemies & implement the best procedures.. that's pretty neat all the info that has gathered over the years!! what a blessing, huh?!I read that her eyes at this age should be safe & fully developed is that right? have you seen a little peak.. or a one-eyed peek.. heehee.. those newborn peeks are cute, Keith did a few of them.. got a pic, soo adorable.Glad you are hopeful today.. & that Brynn IS.

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  12. Josharoo says:

    Did someone call for dirty work? Need a sponge?

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  13. Shannon2-24 says:

    Oh, spongebob, you always come so quickly!

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  14. Anonymous says:

    You might be a redneck if . . .your wedding reception was a tailgate party!

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  15. Anonymous says:

    You might be a redneck if . . .You think “home security” means taking the front steps to your trailer with you when you leave the house.

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  16. Josharoo says:

    We just got an email from friends in Illinois that also had a baby on the 13th. Jakob Davidson is his name.

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  17. Mama PC says:

    frist on Satrudayhow’s the babe today?we just made the final master… and JC’s out listening to it in his car to catch any glaring problems before we start burning!!!we have TEN songs on there…of course, there are imperfections…but, we felt it was time for the songs to be birthed into hard copies for others to haer…

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  18. Napalm says:

    oh golly…I suppose thats my que!

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  19. Mama PC says:

    i think it’s spelled “cue”what are the differing meanings and spellings of words that sound like “cue” ?cuequeue???josharoonie… i think freshrain (is that what you were asking about?) may be Georgia V… am i right? anyone know?

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  20. Cue ball is WHITEGiving me my Q isn’t that short for telling someone when it is time to go on stage or something?Que is “kay” like Key Aura EZQue hora es?

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  21. jess says:

    I held Brynn for 2 hours today. My butt was numb and the small of my back was aching but there was no way I was getting up…

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  22. jess says:

    que is a line… a sequencecue is a sign, an indicator

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  23. Josharoo says:

    queue is to form a line or holding area. Like a holding queue, or calls on hold at a call center are in the queue.

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  24. Josharoo says:

    Jess- que is actually the incorrect spelling of queue.Wowsers, awesome that you got to hold her for 2 whole hours!!

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  25. jess says:

    that may be the first time you have ever corrected my spelling, Roo…. and you are correct. My bad, dog.

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  26. Josharoo says:

    Ah yeah, who’s the BIG DOG? GRRRRR!

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  27. Josharoo says:

    The weather was perfect today- 65 degrees, clear and sunny. We took Keith to the park for his first time. He was watching all the other kids very intently. He was really watching some that were yelling and laughing on the swings. Then Keith got really excited and was smiling and being loud with them. It was really cute.

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  28. Mama PC says:

    well… (as in the word that you always use…)linds and brian are on a ‘JUICE’ fast for 21 days….and she is on day 13… but, i am concerned. she’s cold…pale….white…. and her fingers were totally WHITE… i checked blood pressure…and can only find ONE NUMBER! or possibly two thumps on the spingomometer….. but… i am concerned…so, i’m sounding like “the devil” to han because, i’m encouraging her to EAT SOMETHING! or at LEAST drink broths…linds says she feels “fine”… and that her fingers always turn white… but, i don’t feel good about it…so there’s a big conversation going on in the kitchen at this time betwixt john and the girls…so… keep us in prayer…

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  29. Mama PC says:

    not a HUGE deal…. BUT… we must be wise…jess – i’m so glad you got to hold little Brynn…hannah just said'”note to self… never talk to mom while fasting…”any comments,… pearls of wisdom?love you…the girl’s ma

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  30. Shannon2-24 says:

    I view long fasts as something that God doesn't require to show our sacrifice, deep desires, & seeking for answers/His hand in something..Just doing shorter ones gives our bodies & wills a chance to endure.. yet allows our bodies not to suffer & be over-wearied.God, in who He is, plus our faith & desire is what He longs for & honors.. He's not needing an extreme #, which some people may even unknowingly be doing to make themselves feel good about the accomplishment, which is not the goal.God is GIVING & willing to bless short fasts. : ) Love to all.

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  31. jennifer says:

    Hi all, Ok I know most of everybody already knows that Matt and I are engaged. But I got my ring yesterday!!!! So that makes it super official! No wedding date yet but will have one set very soon! Have a great day at church everyone! NITE.

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  32. o my goodness J that is wonderful!First after sunrise!

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  33. What a gorgeouse day outside i need to go out and see if it is cold or not….. kids C & J want to play b4 churh and get all dirty

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  34. BethC says:

    fasting and prayer works!so happy to hear bout Brynn’s awesome progress!

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  35. Mama PC says:

    thnaks shan224hey, our website will be up soon!also, our cds are available… all proceeds go toward the Church of Thailand and their tools for worship!!! Yahoo!!! jess – you get one FREE since you’re so special!

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  36. Mama PC says:

    i’ve invited a guest to visit us here on the blog…we need some new blood in here…we’re all getting stale…need updates, jess!!!

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  37. Maybe she will update in the morning……..you know how she is on the weekends……..focussing on her husband and babies…and forgetting about the blog….CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!Maybe we will even get to see Brynny’s cute little face.Church was awesome…….MIKE was great! I love his preaching.Smoking POT and reading the BIBLE!Been there done that..I guess when a person is stoned their judgement is SO impared that they actually believe that they have some new ability to have major revelation and insight just because they are blown away.DECEPTION!

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  38. Back in the druggy years I was such an idiot.A young stupid foolish girl…..GOD is the redeemer……HE will restore it all……HE IS SUCH AN AWESOME DADDY!

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  39. hanga says:

    hey, i don’t think you sound like the devil, mom. i just like fasting. i like wisdom, too.

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  40. Mama PC says:

    i love you hannahi know you didn’t truly think badly of me…. but were trying to speak up for the truth and positives and power of fastings…

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  41. Mama PC says:

    http://www.CrouseMusic.comit‘s still under construction…but will have the stories behind our songs…and the lyrics soon

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  42. BethC says:

    i guess it is up to me to start this beautiful day with a cheery hellodid anybody notice that the word fasting is almost exactly like feasting!

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  43. BethC says:

    pam, a link from your blog to your music website would be swell!Happy Bday to Layla and John Schlu.

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  44. Mama PC says:

    guten morgen!!!sorry bethc, don’t know how to make linkage… anyone can help???have a gut day, all!

    Like

  45. Josharoo says:

    Good morning. I’m off to make a lame kid’s show today. Oh, that’s what I do everyday.

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