Smartypants by proxy


birch williams said…
Mrs. Smartypants, Given the tough economic condition, what is the quickest way for me to become a millionaire?

The absolute quickest way is to already be one. Then, don’t pay your taxes. One of three things will happen. 1) You will be added to Obama’s Cabinet, as the Secretary of Such-and-Such 2) the IRS will find you and you will have to disappear. If this happens, get a John Grisham novel and find tips on disappearing well. or 3) You will go to jail. 
On second thought, that’s not a terrific plan.
Another way is by selling Mary Kay, with me as your upline. Everyone who has ever sold Mary Kay is a millionaire now.

“This isn’t just another one of those get rich quick schemes. This scheme is guaranteed to get us rich… and quick!!”
Homer Simpson


Mama PC said…
If the diaperer was diapering the diapered? Would the diaperer diaper the diapered the way the diapered WANTED to be diapered, or would the diaperer diaper the diapered the way the diaperer USUALLY diapered diapereds?

Dear reader. I know you have access to a great deal of pharmaceuticals. Perhaps a few less would be in order.

CrystalD said…
Dear Mrs. Smartypants

*how old do you have to be for it to be said that you died of old age?Pretty old. I’d say at least 40.

*If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?If a tree falls on a mime in the forest, does anyone care?

*If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

Yes. Now you just go ahead and dig as big of a hole in your front yard as you want. 

*Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Thermodynamic centrifusion. I would explain, but what’s the point?

*Do penguins have knees?

Is it really anybody’s business? We know just about everything there is to know about penguins. Can they have this one small privacy?

*Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?

It’s predestination.

*In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?

Non-fiction, and I bet somewhere some atheist is having a fit about it. Give me a fur-covered meat Bible and I will know what to do with it. Well, maybe not.

*Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?

We’re in a recession. Those were the old days. Under Reagan, we could have a two-penny thought.

*You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?

If by serve them you mean call the police, then absolutely. Let’s put this one to the test. Can I have a volunteer?

Happy weekend, everybody! I’ll be back in person on Monday!

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14 thoughts on “Smartypants by proxy

  1. Josh says:

    A home run!The penguin kness, “Can they have this one small privacy?” made me LOL at work.

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  2. ahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!best smartypants answers i think i’ve ever read.SMOOCH, pal!

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  3. misskerri says:

    I love me some Ms SP, especially on a Friday! What a great way to start the weekend…

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  4. I agree……. MS SP on Friday gives us all weekend to think of something that would stump her..

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  5. Beth says:

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahafunny funnywhat was that about a furry meat Bible??? i didn’t get that one, but it was funny that you actually wrote that down anyway.

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  6. The penguin knees got me too……

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  7. If you leave the top off of the glue bottle it will harden and all the glue will stick to the inside of the bottle and all the glue will also stick to all the other glue..I have discovered this in real life…..

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  8. When I recently took the best birthday gift ever (official you own the home papers) to the appraisal district to homestead my home…… I discovered that I do not have the mineral rights to my home and if Obama wants to come and dig up my land and look for diamonds or oil he can…..and this will turn my entire property into a sludge mosh pit…….

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  9. Josh says:

    Eva- I have the feeling that Obama won’t be coming to Cut-N-Shoot to dig up yards to look for diamonds. I think he’d just have the Secret Service take him to Tiffany’s.

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  10. BethC says:

    that’s awesome editorials; much more than 2 cents worth(which makes sense) even during these economic times.did your readers actually submit all those questions? you have a great talent of followers too (even if i do say so myself)look forward to more fun and inspiring blogging after ur “respite”

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  11. she will be blogging from the Road Trip or she may have set us all up again…. either way it will be great to have her updates on the EAST Coast Tour

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  12. BethC says:

    4/26happy 1st birthday Alexzander (Allen).pray we can be together soon.

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  13. CrystalD says:

    finally i can good rest at night now that my deepest questions in life have been answered.

    Like

  14. Josh says:

    I just did a long blog post with an email exchange I’m having with an organization. I’m looking for feedback from some of you.

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