Fate kicks me in the butt

Decided to skip the YMCA today, because my house looks like Bolivar. (Again, with the hurricane insensitivity, I know)

Haven’t worked on the house so much. We had a slightly more relaxed morning than usual, and the tots ate one bite of banana bread and kinda licked their yogurt spoons and then wandered aimlessly about the kitchen until I decided they were done and to get on with it already because my only real chance for a shower is during sesame street for petes sake and DO NOT EAT CHIPS OUT OF THE TRASH and if you’re so hungry why don’t you eat your breakfast and quit making your sister scream. To which they said I’m soooooo hungry and I don’t want this I want chips don’t throw my breakfast away aaaaaa I’m still eating that I don’t want to sit in a chair Brynn haves to eat too aaaaaaaa.

At which point I decided to let them eat and go grab a shower, leaving them in the kitchen with access to knives and electrical appliances, and with a little ingenuity, poison, and an outside exit. Also, banana bread and yogurt and strawberries. And trash chips, maybe.

Now, in mommy logic, usually when I make a choice like this, the fates cancel each other and nothing happens. (bring diapers and wipes to Walmart, nobody poops. Golden.)

I run the shower with the door open, so I can decipher between you tooooook my buzzzzzightyear and i’m bleeeeeeeeding screams. And just after I put in conditioner, I notice an odd thing. Silence. If I were a cussing woman….

I rush to the kitchen, and they are happily playing in the backyard, yogurt covered, in ratty pjs and underwear. In reality, they are very safe. To get out, they would have to drag the very heavy gate open, and barring meteors or flying predators, nothing much would happen. But still. Alarming.

So there I stand, in my kitchen, yelling for them to get back inside now. The only real problem is that they don’t really care what I would LIKE for them to do, as they are very content with their current activities. Oh, and I’m not really dressed appropriately for outdoors. So I yell some more, and then rush to my room and get dressed somewhat and run out and grab Bean, who is VERY disgruntled to be interrupted.

I usher them back down the hall, while being scolded by Toby for yelling, and put them in front of the TV with death threats (Brynn is unmoved), and finish my shower.

On the plus side, my hair is beautifully conditioned.

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6 thoughts on “Fate kicks me in the butt

  1. Anonymous says:

    Awesome! You have a real panache.I love you mama

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  2. jennifer says:

    The Silence is scary! And it does not seem to matter how old they are if it gets too quite there usually is reason to worry. Also as they get older you listen for the hushed whispers if that goes on to long they could be planning to stage a coup and intervention is needed imediately. These are some of the hushed whispery conversations I have interupted (not all my kids some belonging to my nieces and nephews)”I wonder what would happen if I jump of the roof on my skateboard?” “If I drink the whole bottle of Imodium how long would it be before I used the bathroom again?””Do you think you will fit in this suitcase good enough for me to lock it shut?””I wonder if the ceiling fan is strong enough to hold me up?”Yeah good times. As moms it pays to have good hearing and eyes in the back of your head!

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  3. LOL AND LOL SOME MORE…… Toby probably just needed to go potty and Bean followed..

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  4. Beth says:

    as long as your hair looked good….no problem

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  5. I would like to view your cwazy movie on FB ….. the thumbnail looks interesting but FB is froze up in Cut n Shoot….Toby scolded Bedste one day for the same thing…

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  6. katw0man says:

    aaaaahhhh yessica,i finally get my fix of yessicaso refreshingso candidso realso DANG funny! i have missed you so!for a cross between erma bombeck and I love lucy post later today, go to my blog. i promise you it will be worth it 🙂

    Like

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