It wasn’t like I never held a beautiful man at gunpoint before. I have threatened to kill Hank Jr, for years. One night, he snuck in my window and I hit him with a baseball bat. Knocked him right out into the bushes. I didn’t think he was a burglar, I just didn’t think he had no business coming in my window like he owned the place. He learned him a lesson, come back later that night and knocked on the window, like a gentleman. Also, on more than one occasion I have threatened my brother Jimmy’s life, for various things, like bringing home that no-good Candy, or taking money out of the freezer. So it ain’t like I’m unfamiliar with holdin men accountable to good behavior. This was just the first time with a stranger, who also just happened to look like he was from a magazine.
He took a good step back and his eyes were big like some Disney prince. I was so shook up, I just closed the door in his gorgeous face and put the gun down. Then I opened it up again, real calm-like.
“Can I help you?” I asked him.
He swallowed kinda hard and sorta lifted up his little briefcase thingy. “I represent the law firm of Kensington and Burns-“ he started.
“Oh. Hang on.” I glanced in the dining room real quick, but Jimmy was long gone, just like I figured. We don’t have another door, so he musta jumped out the window. Dadgum idiot. I turned back around and got hit by another wave of appreciation for such a fine specimen of humanity. “Jimmy’s gone. Just leave your warrants or subpoenas or what have you and I’ll try to catch him when he’s real drunk.”
He looked surprised for a split second and then held up a stack of papers. “Actually, Jennifer. It is Jennifer, right?”
My name is Jennifer, but I sure as shootin have never heard it sound so pretty. I just stood there kinda stupid for a minute.
“Her name’s Jenny,” a voice from the yard said. “Only folks call her Jennifer are crooks and lawyers and such.”
That just made me mad. “Listen here, Hank Jr., you mangy ol jailbird. You the last person oughta be talking free about crooks.”
“All I’m sayin is, you ain’t done nothing wrong and you don’t have to talk to this son of a –“
“That’ll do, Hank! I can talk to anybody I want to! And you’re the last person oughta be talking about sons of-“
The lawyer fellow interrupted real quick, “Listen- Jennifer. You aren’t in any kind of trouble. I have some official documents here that I would like to discuss with you.”
I tell you what, I’s ready to discuss just about anything with him, any ol time. I was just about to invite him in when Hank Jr. come up the steps like it was his house and parks hisself right on the porch couch. Of all the nerve. I turned on him and was about to tell him where to go when he looks up at me with kinda a pleading expression and threw me off a bit. I sat down kinda heavy on the couch, and that lawyer fella kinda slid in on the other side of me.
I didn’t know how I was gonna understand any kinda document anywhere, with my senses all rattled by a movie star in a suit and a heartbreaking no good country boy squishin me into a sandwich of confusion. Good Lord.