A debate has been raging on one of the message boards I belong to… well, raging is a vast overstatement. It is simmering. We don’t really have so much raging over there, since it’s a Christian message board. On this other board I belong to, debates rage all the time… and getting “flamed” is a way of life. So this is a much calmer sort of debate.
The topic is marriage… basically submission, traditional roles, etc. It’s fascinating to hear how people’s marriages work, the way they relate and manage day-to-day life, etc.
Richy and I got married when we were about 12, so we didn’t have much independent life experience, and any habits we brought with us were childhood habits. We developed pretty traditional roles, in that he is responsible for providing for us, and he takes out the trash. Stuff like that. And I do the bulk of the childcare and household stuff, although I am not such the housekeeper and he frequently does cleaning sprees just because he can’t take it anymore. In those instances, we swap roles and I sit on the couch while he slams cabinets and mutters under his breath.
But submission… this may surprise you, but I actually believe submission is right and Biblical. I also believe it can be abused. But in a healthy Christian marriage, with the man leading and loving his wife more than himself, and the wife submitting to his final decision… it just works. Nothing works right without a leader. I was raised a feminist. Falling in love hacked all my plans. 🙂
Actually, I was pretty independent years into our marriage. It took a lot of years and breaking down of pride and fear to begin to trust enough to need someone. That is a story for another day.
So tell me, who’s the boss of you? Are you the boss? Does your husband wish he was? Or does it all work? Has it changed over time?