I’ve been shacking up with my house. In fact, I’ve shacked up with every house I’ve ever lived in. In the olden days, it was because I was being raised by gypsies, and now it’s because… I’m a gypsy. Of sorts.
Today, the owner of this house offered to sell it to us at a pretty good price. That makes our options: a)make an honest woman of her and take out a massive loan and learn about mortgages or b) go find another house to shack up with, which is proving difficult. I imagine it’s similar to when a man tries to find a new quality woman to move in with. The caliber of female lining up for a shack-up is questionable at best. No offense to any of my friends who are shacking up. But hey! while we’re on the subject, maybe you should get married.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is I think this ultimatum is making me look a little harder at this house. It’s fine for a rental, but do I really want to commit to it? I mean, I hate the kitchen. And there are all kinds of promises floating around the stratosphere, from landlords and husbands, about new windows and breaking out walls and painting things, but when it’s all signed, landlords will be living in an RV in Alaska and husbands will be out rocking their ax for Jesus. You see my dilemma. Well, one of my dilemmas.
People buy houses all the time. They buy them and they sell them. It really isn’t the same as marriage. I know that. It’s just incredibly intimidating to me to think of purchasing a house. That, to me, is all like, then that means I will live in Missouri forever and my grandkids will make fun of Texas, like idiots. My grandchildren will be idiots.
And I want to move back to Texas. Not right this minute, but you know, eventually. So it’s just blowing up my brain a little and coincidentally, blowing up my entire body, because I’m stress-eating.
In other news, I am closing orders on adoption shirts tonight, maybe forever. I mean, if someone decides they want to buy one in the future, I will put their order in a kind of shirt-order purgatory until I have like, 10 in there and then place the order. Consider this the end, though. So go buy some and contribute to Mystery Baby Clark’s adoption fund, and also get a ROCKING shirt.