Okay, look, I’m a right-wing neo-con fundamentalist Bible-thumper. So this next 300 words or so, griping about Halloween, should not come as a surprise to anyone, really.
We don’t really do Halloween, although we buy all the costumes we can find at the thrift, for year-round fun, and shoot, EVERY day is candy-day. We never deal with trick-or-treaters, because somehow, we’ve never been home at our house on Halloween night. An actual coincidence.
Here’s the thing. A few weeks ago, we took the wee ones to Lowe’s. As we wheeled the cart through the entry, a nearly 6 foot animatronic/motion sensitive witch turns to look at us, cackling. Say WHAT? Toby took a nosedive into the basket and whimpered throughout the whole store, halfway peering behind us to see what WAS that and is she following us. I have had to promise not to go back to Lowe’s until November.
Now, in order to get my Fundy card, I have to limit my child’s TV viewing to things that don’t directly involve, oh, witchcraft, demons, devils, stuff like that. I don’t freak when they run around with a sheet on their heads making ghost noises, because right now, it would cause more problems to explain that than to ignore it. So my guys are fairly sensitive when it comes to scary stuff, because that stuff is not for kids. Period.
Evidently, though, my kids are the only ones that don’t get a good laugh out of partially decayed human remains and witches with glowing red eyes that can talk? Oh, wait, that’s totally hilarious. Bodies hanging in trees in the front yard. What do you people WANT? Are you TRYING to desensitize them? Do we have a shortage of serial killers?
Will there come a day when I talk about good and evil, and what’s real and what’s not, and other religions and blah blah blah. Yes, absolutely. But not with a 4 year old. I want my 4 year old son to be a wuss. I want him to LIKE shows with puppy dogs that dance. I want him to cry when he falls down. I want him to hide his eyes when something scary comes on a screen. I want him to be a little kid. Because he’ll be a little jaded soon enough.
In the meantime, I’m not taking him shopping anywhere. And that’s your loss, Walmart and Lowes. Because when he’s with me, I spend twice as much.