Toby is FIVE

Last night I picked up my 4 year old for the last time. In deep sleep, his weight pulled at my arms and made me stumble a little. His arms wrapped sleepily around my neck, and his long legs hung down past my sides. I laid him in his bed, surprised at the leanness of his features. Where did the baby fat go? His long eyelashes drifting over flushed cheeks are the only remnant of the baby that changed me.

Today, he is 5, and 5 is different, you know. I’ve already begun to feel the separation as he watches and emulates his dad, instead of me. He is becoming a man, and the process will take about another decade and a half.

Oh, I prayed for him. I laid in a bed for 17 weeks and hoped beyond hope that he would wait to be born, and that he would stay with me. And then, he was. I don’t think I put him down for months. He slept, wrapped in my arms, my dream baby. Then he got brave and independent and busy busy, and I marveled at every milestone.

Many mornings, he climbs in my bed and tells me how much he loves me. Other days, he asks me questions about God that make my head spin, and more questions and more. His heart is soft, and it’s easy to hurt his feelings. I know him and I’m learning him.

He still cries a lot, and I find myself demanding that he “act like a big boy”, all the while telling myself to shut up because this is IT, this is the last baby thing and I should just hold him every time he cries, because very, very soon I won’t be able to pick him up anymore.

Happy birthday to my baby boy, my 4th son. You are always, and ever a joy.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Toby is FIVE

  1. Anonymous says:

    Bedstes little Tobias Paxton…. I love you and happy birthday!

    Like

  2. Brooks says:

    Yay, Tobemeister!!! I still laugh at Zach's missing Beta from his room. Ha!

    Like

Leave a Reply (name and email are optional)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: