not going out there

I’m not such the fan of nature. I mean, I love the God who created all things, and I dig flowers and sunsets or whatever… I just don’t really get into touching nature. There’s bugs out there, and no climate control, and there’s nowhere to sit.

Sit on the grass, you say. Lie down on the grass and stare up into the cloudless sky. Like heck I will. Lie down in the grass, which is probably a little damp, and just an inch from dirt, and likely, VERY likely to be crawling with insects. No thanks. When I see a beautiful woman lying on the ground in a movie, all I can think about is crawly things in her luscious flowing hair. Oh, and when you stare into the sky, it hurts your eyes. So.

Or picnics. Why? Why take my food outside where it is hot, and there are ants and mosquitoes and bees and dogs? I like to eat at the table, with the air conditioning on. I like to sit on a chair, or maybe a couch, not a blanket on top of dirt and rocks and grass, and again, BUGS.

Sometimes the MOG and I will be driving, and he’ll stop and get all choked up about some trees and hills and the sun and such. And I look, you know. Noted. Beautiful day. Nice surroundings. Let’s move it along.

I’m not anti-nature. I like to go to the beach and look at it, from my hotel room. I see the waves and breakers, the expanse of shore, the brilliant sky and light, the birds rising and falling like the waves; all the while, sitting with a book in a recliner, and temperature control. Win-win.

It always amazes me, people who go for walks and hikes and camping. Quirky. Give me a quality piece of furniture and something to eat.

Indoors, with sunshine. 

I know in the end times, maybe it will be all apocalyptic and we’ll be living in caves or something. I will probably be one of the first to go, dying from exposure to the outdoors. It’s just a risk I have to take.

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7 thoughts on “not going out there

  1. Deanna says:

    I so get what you're saying. When people talk about going camping, I just stare. When they try telling me I should go camping, I explain that God has blessed me with a house. Who am I to throw that blessing back in His face like I don't appreciate it!

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  2. Amanda says:

    funny how youy hate grass and bugs but your main picture on this blog page is you.. sitting on what apears to be grass.. outside.. and smiling.. so dont fool us.. hehe

    Like

  3. ♪essica says:

    note how my leg is bent, because I am sitting on my shoe to protect my rear from nature..

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  4. Anonymous says:

    I am so with you on this one! I admire nature from a safe distance. I still have trouble living in the country!I hate to be hot! My mom was giving me a hard time and said what are you going to do in the end times?? Jokingly I told her I guess I will have to take the mark of the beast so I can get a generator and a window unit! She did not find this funny!Jennifer Henryy

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  5. Anonymous says:

    I too have made it a policy to keep my backside off the ground…not fun perching on the unknown…not desirable. No. mama

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  6. Kim says:

    Haha. On the day preceding your post, Matt and I packed up the 4 kids and stuffed 2 backpacks full of food and water and headed for the outdoors. We took them on a 5 hr hike to marvel at the mountains and waterfalls. I am not a fan of bugs at all (or snakes), but really enjoy the outdoors when the temperatures are reasonable.

    Like

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