My dating post has gotten lots of feedback, which is funny, because it’s such a departure from what I normally write about here. I wanted to write a little more, since pretty much any time I click Publish I think of 10 other things I should have said.
So, what I said was, I don’t believe in there only being one person that God made that could “complete” you. That puts singles in this magic/fate land wrought with anxiety, because every romantic comedy out there says you should have love at first sight and not be able to breathe when you catch eyes across the coffee shop. So you have to wait for the magic moment you “fall” spontaneously, deeply in love. Oh, and you need to be in the right place at the right time. And holy smokes! What if you accidentally marry NOT the “one”? That’s a lot of pressure.
I’m just saying maybe it doesn’t really, usually, begin that way. Maybe it begins by being a friend, and having an open heart. Maybe it means laying down some childish expectations and learning that people are deeper than how they look. I’m not saying give up on love and romance. I’m saying that love doesn’t always HIT, sometimes it GROWS. I’m saying sometimes it’s work to get to know someone, and they’re worth it.
I don’t know anything. I just live in a community full of godly, attractive single people that can’t seem to find each other and it seems like hooey to me. Maybe I’m talking as a mama.
By the way. If you’re under 20, I’m not talking to you. Read your Bible and help your mom with the dishes. Come back when you’re 20.
Here’s a few things I’m NOT saying.
I’m not saying be emotionally promiscuous. I’m not saying date casually. I’m not saying marry a stranger because, heck, it could work out.
I am not saying, for the love of God, to kiss people. Don’t kiss people. That is a whole other topic and man! can you muddy the waters by kissing people prematurely. Use your mouth for talking.
I AM saying.
• Disney has screwed us up. Love is deeper than we know, deeper than the initial feelings. If you’re gonna make it 50+ years, you need to marry a friend. (tangent: is it possible the divorce epidemic in our recent generations has something to do with “losing that loving feeling” ? AKA infatuation?)
• You should think about the way you’re approaching relationships, just think about it. Is it possible that your value system for “looking” is upside down?
• It might be worth asking someone to coffee to talk, and get to know each other, without stirring up inauthentic romantic “feelings” by experimenting physically. You’ll have plenty of time for the physical stuff later, if you build a solid foundation of trust and knowing each other’s hearts.
• You should, absolutely, seek God about your mate. But if he doesn’t send a lightning bolt shaped like a cross down on somebody, maybe He’s letting you pick.
Sheesh. Even as I write this, I agree and disagree with myself. I’m developing all this thought process right in front of you. Maybe I’ll come back and say I had it all wrong. I just think maybe it’s easier than we make it. Maybe.