Disclaimer: I don’t talk about poop. It’s just not something we talk about. But today, I’m going to, in a fairly vague way. Has to be done. I took Tristan to the pediatrician, because he’s been crying occasionally, and for Mr. Sunshine, that indicates that something is wrong. Every Wednesday he gets an ear infection. That’s an exaggeration, but he’s had 3, and he’s 7 months old.
And I hear you hippies muttering “rosemary, garlic oil, eye of newt, Ron Paul, blah, antibiotics, Satan, valerian root,” or whatever, but that’s not my game, yo? You try having a couple of 1 pound babies and see if you don’t get all medical and interventionalist. No, don’t. Don’t do that, but I did. See what I did there?
Anyway, so I knew he had another ear infection, or that the last round of Amoxicillin hadn’t done the job, and I was right.
So here’s the thing. I knew Amoxil was, to put it gently, an irrigant. I mean, I’ve had kids for 12 years now. Sure enough, a couple syringes of the pink stuff and next thing you know, it’s Poopathon. Break out the Ferris Wheel and funnel cake. For weeks. So I knew that, and I’ve dealt with it, all right?
But when a kid doesn’t respond to one antibiotic, they try another. So today, the pedi tells me we’re moving to Augmentin.
“It can be upsetting to the GI tract,” she says, brow furrowed.
“Oh, yeah,” I say, causually. “The Amoxil was bad news…”
“Well…. Augmentin is like the big guns, compared to Amoxil.” she tells me. “I’m going to recommend a probiotic to go along with it, to help with the tummy stuff.” I agree, and say maybe yogurt? Like Activia? Because I believe commercials.
“Yeah, that’d be good,” she says. “Maybe start with that first, because this stuff is brutal.” I am afeared.
So we go to Target and I get the same spiel from the pharmacist. I’m practically advised to tarp the house, bring in the water hose, triple diaper, maybe. Invest in Oxiclean. Purchase latex gloves in bulk. Let him sleep in the bathtub, stuff like that. Don’t wear light colors. Purell by the gallon. Nose bleach. Put a sign on the door, “All Hope Abandon, Ye Who Enter Here.”
Sigh. They have spoken. Poopocalypse is coming. I must heed the signs.