Batten down the hatches

Disclaimer: I don’t talk about poop. It’s just not something we talk about. But today, I’m going to, in a fairly vague way. Has to be done. I took Tristan to the pediatrician, because he’s been crying occasionally, and for Mr. Sunshine, that indicates that something is wrong. Every Wednesday he gets an ear infection. That’s an exaggeration, but he’s had 3, and he’s 7 months old.

And I hear you hippies muttering “rosemary, garlic oil, eye of newt, Ron Paul, blah, antibiotics, Satan, valerian root,” or whatever, but that’s not my game, yo? You try having a couple of 1 pound babies and see if you don’t get all medical and interventionalist. No, don’t. Don’t do that, but I did. See what I did there?

Anyway, so I knew he had another ear infection, or that the last round of Amoxicillin hadn’t done the job, and I was right.

So here’s the thing. I knew Amoxil was, to put it gently, an irrigant. I mean, I’ve had kids for 12 years now. Sure enough, a couple syringes of the pink stuff and next thing you know, it’s Poopathon. Break out the Ferris Wheel and funnel cake. For weeks. So I knew that, and I’ve dealt with it, all right?

But when a kid doesn’t respond to one antibiotic, they try another. So today, the pedi tells me we’re moving to Augmentin.

“It can be upsetting to the GI tract,” she says, brow furrowed.

“Oh, yeah,” I say, causually. “The Amoxil was bad news…”

“Well…. Augmentin is like the big guns, compared to Amoxil.” she tells me. “I’m going to recommend a probiotic to go along with it, to help with the tummy stuff.” I agree, and say maybe yogurt? Like Activia? Because I believe commercials.

“Yeah, that’d be good,” she says. “Maybe start with that first, because this stuff is brutal.” I am afeared.

So we go to Target and I get the same spiel from the pharmacist. I’m practically advised to tarp the house, bring in the water hose, triple diaper, maybe. Invest in Oxiclean. Purchase latex gloves in bulk. Let him sleep in  the bathtub, stuff like that. Don’t wear light colors. Purell by the gallon. Nose bleach. Put a sign on the door, “All Hope Abandon, Ye Who Enter Here.”

Sigh. They have spoken. Poopocalypse is coming. I must heed the signs.


9 thoughts on “Batten down the hatches

  1. PAI says:

    This is the most exciting, edge-of-my-seat (no pun intended) poop story I've ever heard! 🙂 You may also want to have a few tubes of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste – good stuff! Seriously though, I hope your little one is feeling better soon. Kim


  2. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha


  3. Christin says:

    Oh my! You can make the lamest subjects hilarious! I can only imagine the stories you must tell your husband on the phone when he's on the road!


  4. Kris Watson says:

    I am visualizing Eggs Erroneous in "Ernest Goes to Camp".


  5. dorean says:

    Oh gracious! My daughter was given Augmentin at 18 months, and I would have to say poopopcalypse pretty much sums it up. We were in the midst of an interstate move, so staying in a motel at the time, and the laundromat became a second home. You have my sympathy and prayers!Dorean


  6. Allison says:

    Oooo… having lived through my own "Poopageddon," I feel your pain immensely. And I'm super-glad he's now potty-trained.


  7. BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!i had to stop & read this part over just to laugh again before i could finish reading the rest…And I hear you hippies muttering "rosemary, garlic oil, eye of newt, Ron Paul, blah, antibiotics, Satan, valerian root," or whateverpal, you CRACK me


  8. OMG poor baby…. did it work? Is he well? Did you spray down the house?


  9. Anonymous says:

    I give my newborn probiotic drops, BioGaya is the brand but there is many others, UDO' s choice I think is the powder you can add to his formula, the yogurts are only good for keeping the bacteria alive, you'll need something with at least 1 billion in it to restore it quick, those drugs are no joke, believe me I know! Also Super Duper Diaper Doo is the only cream that cured my sons butt after we were given antibiotics, its got lanolin in it, so it's really in coating the skin against moisture and healing the skin too. If he gets a yeast diaper rash after, grapefruit seed extract 10 drops mixed with 3 oz of water in a spray bottle cures that stuff fast( just been through this similar ordeal)


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