I think I want another kid. Actually, I know I want to adopt another kid. It’s not like I’m bored. I never get bored, it’s genetically forbidden in my family. “Only boring people get bored,” my dad used to say, second to only “Whaddya mean there’s nothing to eat? We have eggs, we have cheese…” So I figured it out, way back then, how to never be bored. But if I were even tempted, somebody around here would do something amazing like FIND A BUG AND CARRY IT AROUND and the temptation would be gone, because I would be so busy screaming.
Children are enormously interesting. I’ve rarely met a lame kid, and if they are lame, it’s not their fault, it’s just that somebody failed to find out what was fascinating about them and parked them in front of a screen or shut them down somehow. They are intrinsically unique, and their perspectives on things are so fascinating. I worry sometimes, that my kids will get bigger and figure out how they’re “supposed” to think and act and that quirky little flame will get tamed somehow. That’s one of my great hopes with homeschooling, that I can protect that spark.
So no, I’m not bored. I’m over my head when it comes to housekeeping, I am an admittedly terrible housekeeper. And I’m not great at making nutritious or creative meals, and I’m pretty bad at making a routine and sticking to it, although I have fantastic campaigns, which last weeks or months before taking a turn into a flaming death spiral of chaos. I have great intentions, and I have really high hopes for my future growth, where something clicks in and I just think, oh, that’s why people clean baseboards and then I’ll be better at that. For now, though, I am a flawed domestic engineer at best.
BUT, I am great at loving kids. Oh, I love them. I love them ferociously. I love to listen to their nonstop prattle and I love to watch their faces while they problem-solve. I love to watch a baby turn into a toddler and watch their personality unfold, like a slow-developing panoramic. I can’t tell you the rush it is to have a gift that steadily unpacks all its facets and it takes years and decades to see what it is. And I know I’m in the early stages here, and some parts of them I will wish they could re-shelve, once the attitude pops up or whatever, but what kind of crazy God gives us human beings to shape and know?
And they’re spirits, you know? I used they’re on purpose, I mean, they are spirits, they are more than bodies. They, each child, have a unique connection to God, an understanding that is specific to them, and if I am close enough, I can see Him too. Amazing.
I’m not in denial, I live in the hard work part of it, and it will get easier and harder. Logistically, financially, emotionally, children are challenging. There’s no doubt they’re worth it, though.
So when I sit still enough to dream, I dream of more. More babies, more children. More money, and maybe a weekly maid. Hey, it’s my dream.