I’m afraid of plenty of things. “There is no fear in love!” says you, super spiritual guy, and I’m all like “But I don’t LOVE birds,” and checkmate. I am, in fact, afraid of birds. They are so creepy with their bony little claws and their sharp beaks and beady little eyes, like demons of nature wrapped in soft little feathery jackets. I am also afraid of rodents who appear in MY HOME without warning, and I’m afraid of heights and fish that I cannot see and dogs, except the really dumb slobbery ones because they’re not going to eat me.
So, yeah, I have fears. But I think there’s a built-in fear buffer when you’ve faced some hard things, because there is a reality that bad things might happen, so you almost can’t plan based on those kind of risks. I feel like I operate on a denial system of sorts, and that is how I happened to be on a committee of two, planning a cruise directly after the Italian cruise disaster. “What could go wrong?” I ask myself. “I’ve already been through this…”
The cruise was perfect. I went with 21 other women, (with NINETY-ONE children between us, but we did not bring the children). It wasn’t until the middle of the first night on the boat that I started thinking about how bad it would be if the boat went down. I was also very concerned about snoring, because I’ve had the same roommate for 17 years and he says I snore. Ultimately, the boat did not sink and I do snore.
I’ll write more about the cruise, because it was deeply refreshing and also an introspective window that I do not normally see through, even though I talk about myself and mine on social media all the time. There’s just something about hours without interruption that brings great perspective.
Speaking of perspective, women are much larger up close. I am not talking about my friends, of course. I am talking about all of the other women, who seem relatively fit when clothed but then when you get face level with the vast majority of their skin, you discover the limits of Lycra. Also the limits of decency.
I ate all the things, sang karaoke, spent hours on a beach and got the most marvelous sunburn. And “I” didn’t twerk, but some people did. More about that later, too.