If you give a mom a…

“Tomorrow,” I tell myself, snuggling into bed, “I am gonna have a heck of a day off.” I pick up my Kindle and read until my eyes cross, as is my custom. As I surrender to sleep, I remember R2 has summer school starting this week. “Siri,” I say sadly, “set my alarm for 7 am.”

7 am: I hop out of bed (I apologize for being a morning person) and go through R2’s morning routine. If you’re not the parent of an incontinent adult man, may you never have to know what we go through as part of that routine. Eventually the house is hosed down and the washing machine and dryer and running and he is dressed and waiting impatiently for the bus. “When he’s gone, the house will be quiet,” I tell myself. “Kindle and tea, here I come.” But the bus is very late and by the time he leaves there are small people watching youtube and eating off-brand Cap’n Crunch. (Fruity Berries? Crunch Berries? Crunchy Fruit? Fruity Crunches? Berry Fruity?) I can’t remember, but it comes in a jumbo bag.

“That’s okay,” I think, “I will just take some tea up to my room and sit quietly,” but the sink is full of dishes and I can’t find a coffee cup. So I do the dishes as the house gradually comes to life around me.

Finally I take my cup of tea and catch up on my Youtube subscriptions (JUDGE AWAY) and start to pick at my to-do-unofficially-because-it’s-my-day-off-but-pastors-don’t-quit lists.

Later, I think I could really use a drink of water. My new tumbler is downstairs in the dishwasher. I know, because I put it there a little while ago. “I’ll just grab it,” I think, naively. “And while I’m at it,” I think, “I’ll put this load of dishes away,” but the dishwasher left a lot of water on the dishes and I can’t find any hand towels. “I’ll grab one out of the dryer,” I think, but there aren’t any in there so I empty the washer and dryer and throw in another load. “Maybe in Laundry Mountain in my room,” I think, but I end up having to sort all the laundry because the hand towels are super buried. Eventually I find one, and so I dry off all the dishes and the sink is full again so I throw in another load while I’m at it.

Some time later, I settle in my room with a glass of water. “Now,” I think, “I will write a blog entry.” But then my co-pastor comes in with big ideas about cardio and life adventures and eventually he tells me I should go on a solo roadtrip to the thrift store and the taqueria. I heartily approve of this plan so I’m gonna get out of here really quick before I notice none of the laundry is put away and maybe the cat needs a bath.

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